Mosul, Iraq: Not to be outdone by American Sec. of State John Kerry’s diplomatic coup last week, dispatching the nation’s “Singing Envoy-at-Large”, the hapless one-time superstar, James Taylor, to serenade the grief-stricken French in the aftermath of the Charlie Hebdo attack, ISIS leaders, in retaliation, have issued the following announcement:
“ISIS will send to the United Nations in New York next week the Caliphate’s most famous musical ensemble, famous throughout the terrorist world , the orchestra with the “Big Boom” sound, Mohammed Lombardo and his “Royal Iranians”.
“The band will feature the vocal stylings of some of radical Islam’s most famous recording artists. Abu Ben Joel will rock the UN crowd with his famed “Scimitar Man”:
Sing us a song you’re the scimitarman
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feeling alright.
Ali, Youssef, and Jana will be featured, singing “This Land Ain’t Your Land, This Land Is Caliphate Land”.
“The Jivin’ Jihadis, , billed as the ISIS Beach Boys cover band, will showcase several new adaptations from their latest album, including “Hijab Hotty”, Surfin’ UAE, “Help Me, Salma”, and “That’s why Allah made the Radio”‘
Other stars on the ISIS diplomatic musical tour is Mariam Salma Sinatra and her career hit, “These Boots are made For Bombin'”, dedicated to Richard Reid.
“And the hit performance of the event is expected to be Abu-al Omar Ahmed Bennett singing the song that’s been at the top of the charts in the Islamist world for 14 centuries running, “I Left My Head In San Francisco”.
