Road in on the bandwagon
I just saw a bandwagon drive by. A big one. I’m not talking hay-rack, but a full-sized motor coach.
The original “Attend Trump’s impeachment” trip to Washington got cancelled, and tickets were non-refundable. It’s now staying local, re-named the “Assuage your anti-Trump rage through destruction” tour.
First stop: The Cody museum in LeClaire. “Buffalo Bill” was a teenager when he killed his first “Indian”. Later, employed by the railroad, he slaughtered thousands of buffalo, facilitating the U.S. Government’s genocide of Native Americans. Cody’s “Wild West Show” then paraded these once-proud people around the world like zoo animals. A flammable effigy of Cody will be erected in a fire-safe area. Gasoline, bottles, and rags supplied. Signed liability waiver required. 18 and over only.
Next: The Confederate cemetery on the Rock Island Arsenal. Hammers, gloves, and goggles provided. Sorry, only one headstone per paid adult. A set of rebel remains will be disinterred, and moved to the rifle range. For an additional fee, you will be allowed to “shoot ’em again”, symbolically killing racism. Lunch served on site.
Finally: Moline’s John Deere pavilion. Deere invented the steel plow. Using his insidious device, farmers turned our vast, bio-diverse American prairie into a highly erodible desert of wheat, corn, and soybeans. Deere’s now producing logging equipment. Soon, forests may go the way of the prairie. A statue of John Deere will be available for a group toppling. News media will be their recording the event.
Think things can’t get more ridiculous? Wait until Trump’s re-elected.
Eugene Mattecheck Jr.
