A fish story

I’m President of my 700 gallon backyard pond.

The V.P. (wife) tasked me with populating the pond. After planting water lilies, I went to Teske’s and selected healthy, nicely patterned koi and comets. I also got some feeder-goldfish from a crowded holding tank.

Anyone familiar with ponds knows there’s a carrying capacity to a volume of water. Fish consume oxygen, food, and expel waste. Plants produce oxygen. Beneficial bacteria break down waste. Pumps and filters assist the process. There’s an established formula: 1 inch of fish per gallon of water to achieve balance.

Eventually, the V.P. and I decided we’d reached the ratio of fish to water that allowed all organisms in the pond to thrive. The fish were healthy, the water clear, and the lilies bloomed.

Occasionally, I walk by the feeder-goldfish tank. This aquarium’s crammed with fish, well over the water’s carrying capacity. It’s what you might call a “fish sh**hole”. There’s no quality of life for the fish. They’re simply surviving until someone buys them as food for bigger fish.

Sometimes I think, “What if I rescued more feeder-goldfish and put them in my pond?” The answer? My pond would become an overpopulated “sh**hole”, the water polluted, the fish stunted, and next time I saw the feeder-goldfish tank, it would be just as crowded and pathetic as before.

I’m President of my pond, and manage it for the benefit of my fish. I’ve heard that makes me a bad person.

Eugene Mattecheck Jr. Moline

But now a little fun at Gene’s expense