Now that Google owns Gordan’s Pizza

CALLER: Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER: OK.. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered
an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms
and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know?

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol.

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol
tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an
undeclared income source, which is against the law.


GOOGLE: I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and
all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV,
where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

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Thanks to DK for the forward

There is nothing about this that is not only plausible but largely practicable.  One caveat is that Google would not likely own up directly to their involvement, that takes subpoenas. The whole game-plan is be  surreptitious.

Data mining, massive data bases, incredible high speed computers, inter-connectivity, obscure sign-offs of your privacy, ruses, denigrating or complicating services for recalcitrant security focused internet users/consumers.  It isn’t about being off the grid, it is about the right to privacy from government or commercial snoops (or their interplay).  People inadvertently or because of the onerous negative inducements or because of bells and whistles that attract but obscure, allow such data-mining.

We think a case can be made that internet security/privacy protections in the public or private realm must be rigid, clear, a high wall —  and any violations easily actionable as to grievances.  A free speech case can be made to disallow companies sharing data (“associated companies” are a ruse) and obtrusively “getting in your head, creating profiles using data one did not offer for such purpose.

And by the way, HIPAA schmipa, they have ways.

R Mall

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