Scripts for the last episode of the Murphy Brown redux

At our urging a stable of  playwrights in our readership produced these renditions ofMurphy Brown, the 13th episode’.  Star Candice Bergen* has indicated the series was always intended to be just one season and all about Trump


Show opens with CNN host breathlessly reporting:

Murphy Brown,early this morning was found assaulted and brutally beaten in her Beverly Hills home; reported to be in critical condition.

The story goes on: Ms. Brown had just concluded a press conference and dinner party at her home celebrating the successful entry into the country by a migrant family. Brown credited a non-profit NGO (non-governmental group) she has long supported for getting the family into the country in defiance of Border Security measures in place all along the Mexico-US border.

According to members of Brown’s news staff, which had just minutes earlier departed the home, the widely popular progressive and often honored TV reporter and commenter was rescued from her top floor bedroom, nude and unconscious, by two ICE officers who were first to respond to reports of a fire at the home. Both agents are reported to have suffered injuries incurred during the rescue.

At this time authorities have not determined the identity of Brown’s attacker or the motive for the assault.

Some attendees at the evening’s party expressed skepticism about the quick response on the part of the ICE officers when the fire alarm had been triggered only moments before they arrived on the scene.

They noted that Brown has been a fierce critic of ICE on her television show.

Scene shifts to ICU ward at Beverly Hills Hospital

Brown is lying swathed in bandages, IV tubes protruding from various places on her body, face swollen and badly bruised. Two police detectives are at her bedside attempting to ask the reporter if she knows what happened, any reasons she may think caused the attack, and if she would be able to identify the perpetrators.

Brown’s replies, spoken very weakly, barely audible, and obviously accompanied by great pain:

“I cannot imagine any reason for the attack”, she says. “We had just had a wonderful dinner and party to welcome the migrant family who had achieved sanctuary with the help of the wonderful people of the charitable group, “By Any Means Necessary (BAMN), and the generous financial support of ‘George’ AND ‘Tom’.

She continued as her strength visibly waned, “Our guests and my news team had departed and only the migrant family remained. I invited them to stay while I excused myself to go to my bedroom to change into something more comfortable. They asked if I intended to drop them off at the detention center. I told them ‘no’, that I had made arrangements for them to stay at a nearby with some Catholic nuns.”

To a detective’s question of what happened next, Brown took several minutes to gather her strength (Note: Superb Acting here) and replied that someone hit her from behind, knocking her to the floor. It was two males who then sexually assaulted me,” she said, choking softly, “and then began hitting me with their fists and some metal candlesticks which were in the room.”

“Do you think you could identify your attackers?”, she was asked.

Her eyes, welling in tears, Brown answers softly, and in obvious agony, “Yes, I can”.

Before showing Brown some photographs to identify, ‘mug shots’, the older of the two detectives, hesitantly and with obvious regret to have to subject her to recalling her terrible ordeal, says, “Ms. Brown, when you were found, beaten , nude, and left to die, there was a note with a message written in Spanish, rolled up and placed in your mouth obviously intended to suffocate you.

“We had the message translated; it said:”Mucho gratitude for falling for our story and for helping us to reunite with our bro’s and sista’s. Long live MS13! Gracias, Beetch!”

“Are these the men who attacked you and do you believe they are the ones who wrote this note?”, the detective asked, and with that showed her the photos.

More weak and labored in her response than before, Brown tearfully nodded in the affirmative and identified her attackers as Juan and Pablo, the two young migrant ‘boys’ she and the BAMN had illegally brought across the border, along with their ‘mother’ and younger ‘sister’ only the day before.

Reluctantly, the detectives advised Brown that the ‘two boys’ were in their late 20’s and the two females accompanying them were neither their mother nor their sister, nor kin of any kind.

As tears stream down Murphy Brown’s swollen and bruised cheeks, in the fashion reminiscent of the final episode of “The Sopranos”, the screen fades to black!

Brown’s last words appear on the screen in print: “IT’S ALL THAT DAMN TRUMP’S FAULT!”.

“Dialogue Not Necessary”

Murphy Brown, caught in a #metoo scandal gets fired. Broke, she’s forced to shoot a porn movie. Trump, attracted to porn stars, gives her a call. In a clandestine motel room, she lies naked and spread-eagled. Trump enters, and immediately is reminded of a raw, spatchcocked chicken. He pees on the sheets and leaves her unsatisfied. Fade to black.

*Rumors that Candice Bergen as a toddler was really the wooden dummy on her father’s lap persist.  It is consistent with the folk wisdom that “Wood doesn’t get smarter, it just gets more growth rings”

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One Response to Scripts for the last episode of the Murphy Brown redux

  1. Murphy couldn’t be the wooden dummy. With no brain, the dummy would have zero intellect. It takes the bleach/ammonia-like combination of a moron “actress” and imbecile “writers” to end up in negative intellectual territory.

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