For great political ridicule who can beat the commentary from Stilton Jarlsberg at Stilton’s Place.com?
Crash and Bern
On Wednesday, Democratic Socialist and petulant scold Bernie Sanders announced that he was suspending his presidential campaign owing to the fact that, within the last few weeks, his entire agenda for America had been successfully realized.
“The government is emptying the prisons, spending trillions in make-believe money, and locking up churches while making sure Planned Parenthood stays open,” explained Sanders. “I keep pinching myself just to be sure this isn’t just some kind of wonderful dream!”
In a nod to his roots, millionaire Sanders plans to bring a number of young Jewish people to one of his three homes and turn it into a kibbitz, “Which is like a kibbutz, only I just watch everyone else work and tell them what they’re doing wrong.”
Presumed Democratic presidential nominee, Joe Biden, could not be reached for comment because he’s farting in a bathtub and giggling about the bubbles.
UPDATE:
Although Bernie has “suspended” his campaign, he’s not taking his name off the ballot in upcoming primaries, and he’s not releasing the delegates he has nor the ones he might subsequently win. His goal is to head into the convention with enough clout that he can force Biden to adopt Sanders’ far-left policies.
According to the Wall Street Journal,”The only thing that would make (the Sanders camp) support Mr. Biden is his agreement to meet their demands, which include endorsing the Green New Deal, Medicare for All, a 50% reduction in prison populations, a wealth tax, cancellation of student debt, free undergraduate tuition in public institutions, abolishing the filibuster, packing the Supreme Court, federal gun licensing, and abortion subsidized by federal taxpayers.”
None of which should present much of a problem for Biden, who will happily (and unintelligibly) voice enthusiastic support for whatever nonsense is written on his cue cards.
