I’m a (not so) humble hero.

I’m a (not so) humble hero.

That doesn’t make me special. It appears there are thousands of us around.

How would I know? Well while I’m driving around, living life, I see these yard signs reading, a “humble hero lives here.” They seem to be everywhere.

But I digress. Let me describe my heroic actions

Yesterday, as I entered a local big-box store, a terrorist threw a grenade. Instinctively, I threw my body on that grenade, sacrificing myself to save dozens. Well, not exactly

Yesterday, I saw a vehicle speeding out of control towards a group of children. Acting swiftly, I pushed the kids to safety, but the car hit me straight on. Maybe not.

There was no grenade, there was no speeding car.

My heroic act?

Upon arriving at the door of said big-box store, I pulled my neck gaiter up over my mouth and nose. Since I do not have COVID-19, that mask did nothing. It filtered out exactly zero viruses, and protected absolutely nobody.

Yep, I’m a hero. Feel free to deliver my sign at your convenience.

Eugene Mattecheck Jr.

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